The Uncanny X-Men #124 “He only laughs when I HURT!”
When Your Friend Turns into a Soviet-Sized Problem.
Welcome back, my MUTANT CHAOS QUEENS! Last time, Colossus took a major detour into Soviet mind control territory, and Storm fought for her life in Arcade’s drowning trap. This issue? Oh, it's even more chaotic Arcade’s Murderworld is cranking up the heat with mind control, MARVEL cameo robot fights, and the X-Men being thrown into more traps than they can count. Cyclops gives a geometry lesson in ricocheted optic blasts (it’s way cooler than it sounds), and Colossus? Well, he’s still trying to break free from Arcade's brainwashing. Will they escape Murderworld, or is this just another day in paradise? Spoiler alert: It's definitely not paradise.
If Murderworld were an amusement park, this issue is the rollercoaster that throws you off halfway through
This issue opens up with a flash back. (He’s not just an assassin; he’s an assassin with a back story!) Turns out, our resident murder-clown was a spoiled rich kid, until Daddy Dearest cut him off at 21. His response? Blow up the family estate, with his father still inside. (A tad extreme, but go off sis.) That’s when Arcade had an epiphany: he had a real knack for murder. Not content with regular killing, he decided to make it a spectacle, birthing the infamous Murderworld. But like any good showman, he needed bigger and flashier acts. He took on contracts from the European Maggia to kill Captain Britain, tried (and failed) to off Spider-Man and Captain America, and even scored a cool million from Black Tom Cassidy and Juggernaut to take out the X-Men. He smugly jokes about how easy they were to kidnap. (An obvi dig at Professor X’s legendary lack of security measures.)
It’s time we checked in on the X-Men, where Cyclops and Wolverine are locked in a brutal fight with Colossus. Wolverine, in a rare moment of diplomacy, tries to talk him down, reminding him they’re friends. But Colossus, now dramatically referring to himself as “The Proletarian, hero of the Soviet Union,” is fully committed to the bit. He blames them for corrupting him, turning him against his beloved motherland, and betraying everything he once stood for. (A lot of accusations for a guy who used to be the team’s designated soft boy.)
Wolverine, ever the tactician (if “tactician” meant “guy who acts first, thinks never”), wonders aloud if his adamantium claws can cut through Colossus. Naturally, his solution is to immediately test that theory. He launches himself at Colossus, claws out, but before he can make impact, Colossus casually catches him mid-air like a rogue frisbee and hurls him straight at Cyclops. Cyclops, now juggling both an incoming Wolverine and an ethical dilemma, considers using a full-power optic blast, though that could seriously injure Colossus. But before he can decide, Wolverine suddenly vanishes, because instead of crashing into a wall, he’s just flown straight through a rotating door like a very aggressive mall shopper.
Cyclops barely has time to process that nonsense before another door swings open and sucks him in too. Meanwhile, Colossus stands there having a minor existential crisis, clearly feeling guilty about attacking his friends but trying to drown it out with some state-approved slogans. Calling them “enemies of the state” is a solid effort, but at this point, the brainwashing is already showing some cracks.
We cut to Storm, who has barely survived Arcade’s lightning trap and is having what can only be described as a disastrous day. But of course, Arcade isn’t done trying to kill her in increasingly ridiculous ways. He whips up a vicious downdraft, knocking her from the sky and sending her plummeting into a dark, churning pool. With only a few inches of air left before she drowns, Storm is living her worst nightmare. (Our girl can't catch a break. Someone get her a therapist!)
Meanwhile, Cyclops stumbles upon Nightcrawler, who is about to meet a grisly fate courtesy of a bumper car. And not just any bumper car, but a spiked, saw-blade-rigged nightmare on wheels. (Because, naturally, Arcade is committed to the cartoon villain aesthetic.) Cyclops blasts the car to pieces, but just when they think they’re safe, Nightcrawler drops the bomb: it wasn’t the only one. Suddenly, a whole swarm of deadly, razor-toothed bumper cars comes screeching after them like they’re in an action movie chase scene. (Because, of course, that’s how things work in Murderworld.)
Elsewhere, Wolverine crashes into a room full of spaceships and lasers, where Banshee is barely holding it together. He's wrestling with a monstrous holograms and real lasers, because why settle for one kind of danger when you can have both? Wolverine steps in to reassure him, even as Banshee admits he’s feeling pretty useless without his sonic scream. Not one to let his friend stew in self-pity, Wolverine tells him there's still hope and launches himself at Banshee to knock him out of the laser’s path. (Nothing says “I’ve got you” like a full-body tackle.) They find an escape tunnel, but of course, it’s not that easy. They’re ambushed by android cops Hulk-Bot and Magneto-Bot. (Because in Murderworld, it’s always more fun when you’re outnumbered.)
Back with Storm, who’s about to meet her watery grave but is trying to stay calm (because that’s what you do when your inches away from drowning, right?). She strips off her cape and boots (because apparently drowning is way easier without extra fashion accessories) and dives deep. She quickly finds the source of the water and, in true Storm fashion, decides to turn the whole situation into a storm of her own. Using her weather powers, she summons a lightning bolt to melt a sealed pipe and break free, assuming, of course, her lungs hold out long enough. (No pressure, right?)
Meanwhile, Cyclops and Nightcrawler are still dodging bumper cars. Nightcrawler thinks they can’t keep this up much longer, so Cyclops decides it’s time to step up. In one of his finest displays of optic precision, Cyclops channels his inner geometry nerd and fires a blast so geometrically precise it would make Pythagoras weep. It's the kind of shot that makes you wonder if Cyclops secretly moonlights as a physics professor in his spare time. (He’s all about precision, except when it comes to his emotional decisions.) With all the cars wiped out, Cyclops and Nightcrawler make their escape into a deserted maintenance tunnel, agreeing to split up and help any other X-Men they find or, you know, totally wreck Arcade’s control center if they get the chance.
Speaking of Arcade, he’s lounging in his control room, watching everything unfold like it's a performance. Mr. Chambers alerts him that Storm is generating more power than they can handle, but Arcade just laughs it off, clearly not worried. Miss Locke reassures him that the girls are under control, but Arcade, darkly wishes for their permanent demise. He then orders a search for Nightcrawler, who’s gone missing, because someone has to ruin his flawless evil plan, of course.
Cyclops finds Wolverine and Banshee in another room, struggling against the Hulk-Bot and Magneto-Bot. Wolverine, eager for a rematch, dives right in, claws bared, while Cyclops blasts through the wall to save Banshee from Magneto-Bot. Meanwhile, Nightcrawler, partially invisible due to his secondary mutation, watches the scene unfold from a monitor, analyzing the chaos. (Not Kurt being a bit of a voyeur in the shadows now!)
Arcade, distracted by the fight, comments on Wolverine's reckless behavior, likening him to himself, and tells Miss Locke to focus on finding Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler teleports into Arcade's face with a loud "BOO!", Arcade falls backward, yelling for help. Miss Locke, ever the professional, pulls out a rifle and starts shooting at Nightcrawler. With ease, Nightcrawler dodges the shots, knocking Miss Locke out cold. He then blasts the control panel, but it’s too late Arcade activates a gas trap, knocking Nightcrawler unconscious.
Cut back to Cyclops who quickly blasts the Magneto-Bot, saving Banshee, while Wolverine obliterates the Hulk-Bot. The battle pauses momentarily as the team hears a rumbling from nearby. BOOM! A giant wave crashes through the wall, sending Wolverine, Banshee, and Colossus flying to the opposite side of the room. As the water drains, Storm lies unconscious on the floor, drenched from Arcade's lightning trap earlier. Cyclops screams her name, not in his usual calm, collected way like with Jean, but in full-blown panic. (Honestly, who could blame him? I’d kill for her too.) Cyclops rushes to her side, performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until she coughs and regains consciousness.
As Cyclops asks Storm if she’s strong enough to walk, Colossus bursts in, announcing it’s too late to escape. Storm stammers, “P-Peter?” Banshee rushes to him, relieved to see his friend, but before he can say more, Colossus punches him across the room. Wolverine tries to intervene but is tossed aside. Storm, confused, asks Cyclops, “Scott… WHAT?” Cyclops realizes Colossus is brainwashed and tries to talk him down, urging him to remember that everything he’s been told was from Arcade.
Storm, struggling to breathe, shares how the X-Men became her family, and Cyclops adds that they’re all more than just teammates, they’re family, cue the cheesy music, right? Storm tells Colossus he’s like a brother to her, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Colossus breaks free of the brainwashing, apologizing and asking if they’ll forgive him (Honestly, if I were Colossus, I’d be praying they’d forgive me too. They do have a way of holding grudges).
From the control room, Arcade presses a button on a burning control panel saying, “Ah well, you can’t win them all!” (He’s such a gracious loser. That’s a surprise!)
Cyclops is starting to lose his mind when Colossus casually reveals that the KGB-BOT’s accusations were just echoing his own doubts about being an X-Man (thanks for the self-reflection, Colossus). Cyclops starts yelling at him as if that’s going to solve anything, and just when things get heated, the floor beneath them transforms into a giant metal ball, trapping the team inside.
Before anyone can even react, the ball shoots up through the ceiling on a water-powered geyser and sends them hurtling through Murderworld’s underground tunnels, the whole scene feeling like a twisted ride through a nightmare. The team tumbles through the dark maze, thrown every which way as the ball careens through the chaos. You’d think Cyclops would be used to high-pressure situations by now, but nope, here they go again.
Finally, the ball bursts through the surface, landing with a splash in the water. Cyclops blasts the metal ball open with an optic blast, and the X-Men are thrown into the water, swimming to safety and emerging at an empty dock. Banshee spots what he thinks are fireworks (classic Banshee optimism), only to realize they’re the same pink boxes that once held the girls and, to his surprise, Nightcrawler too. As they help Nightcrawler out, Banshee notices a note stuck to his back: “Round one to you, X-Men. Till next time!” Signed Arcade.
The team stands in the empty, abandoned amusement park, processing their escape. Wolverine is ready to go after Arcade, but Cyclops stops him, pointing out the difficulty of finding Murderworld (Because, obvi, they have no idea where it is. If only Murderworld had Yelp reviews, maybe then they'd know where it is.). Cyclops mentions that Arcade let them go, and there’s no evidence of any crime. He insists they need to quit while they’re ahead, even though Wolverine isn’t happy about it. Wolverine grumbles, but Cyclops remains firm, saying that Arcade wanted them dead, they trashed his setup, and they’re lucky to be alive. Cyclops concludes, “Like it or not, this time, we’ll have to be content with that."
Deep Dive: Black Tom Cassidy and Juggernaut: Friends or Secret Lovers?
Ah, the age-old question: Are Black Tom Cassidy and Juggernaut just really good partners in crime, or is there something more happening between them? It’s a question that has haunted X-Men fans for decades, much like the sight of Wolverine in yellow spandex. So let’s investigate.
Who Are They?
Let’s start with the basics.
Black Tom Cassidy – Sean Cassidy’s (Banshee’s) sketchy cousin who decided that using mutant powers for good was boring. Instead, he became a life-long criminal with a flair for the dramatic and a deep, abiding love for wood. (His mutation lets him manipulate plant life and fire concussive blasts through wood yes, wood specifically. Don’t ask.)
Cain Marko, aka Juggernaut – Stepbrother to Professor X, powered by the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak, and absolutely committed to plowing through walls instead of using doors like a normal person. His main personality traits include being unstoppable, hating Charles Xavier, and… being Black Tom’s #1 ride or die.
Why Are They Working Together?
Usually, villainous duos have a clear power dynamic one’s the brains, the other’s the muscle. But with these two? It’s more codependent chaos.
Black Tom has the cunning and strategic thinking, while Juggernaut is a walking, indestructible wrecking ball. Instead of just hiring a team of generic henchmen, Tom decided he needed a very specific large, red, helmeted bestie to do crime with. And Juggernaut? He only ever seems to work with Tom.
They function as a unit. If you fight one, the other will throw hands (or trees). It’s almost sweet. Almost.
Where Have We Seen Them Up to Uncanny X-Men #124?
So far, their villainous resume includes:
Teaming up in Uncanny X-Men #101-103 – They try to take over Cassidy Keep, complete with Irish leprechaun side characters and plenty of chaos.
Uncanny X-Men #122 – They hire Arcade to set up a deadly trap for the X-Men, showing they’re all about using the most chaotic methods to try and defeat the team.
Notice anything? They only ever seem to work together.
Friends or Something More?
Okay, here’s where things get interesting.
When they’re together, Juggernaut is weirdly chill. For a guy whose whole brand is “punch first, ask no questions,” he’s surprisingly willing to strategize when Black Tom is around.
Their loyalty is unmatched when Black Tom is in trouble, Juggernaut loses his mind. Case in point: When Black Tom was seemingly killed in X-Force #3, Juggernaut was so upset that he swore revenge and started working with X-Force just to get back at the person who hurt Tom.
They LITERALLY hold hands while escaping a collapsing building. I mean. COME ON.
At best, they are the most devoted platonic villains in X-Men history. At worst? This is one of the most intense comic book villain romances ever.
Whether you see them as just best bros or something more, one thing is clear: Juggernaut and Black Tom Cassidy are ride or die, and that is the real mutant power of their relationship.
Aug 1979 – “Born To Be Alive” by Patrick Hernandez
This song is all about living in the moment and embracing the thrill of life, which fits perfectly with the X-Men’s chaotic and high-energy battles in this issue. As the X-Men are caught up in Arcade’s deadly games and struggle through traps, there’s a sense of urgency and survival, and “Born To Be Alive” captures that feeling of pushing through difficult moments with sheer vitality. The upbeat, funky vibe of the song contrasts well with the life-or-death situations they face, giving it a fun, disco-infused energy to balance out the high-stakes drama.
And that’s a wrap, my Mutant Chaos Queens! We’ve survived Murderworld, dodged a Colossus-sized meltdown, and made it out in one (mostly) piece. Arcade may have won round one, but don’t worry, we’ll be back with more mess, more drama, and yes, more daddy issues. Until next time, don’t let the giant metal balls get you down keep your claws sharp and your loyalty questionable. See you in the next chaotic chapter of Mutant Mess & Mild Psychosis!
Rankings:
The Gay Subtext Report:
Between the simmering tension between Cyclops and Wolverine—who can’t seem to decide if they want to argue or kiss—and the chaotic bond starting to form within the team, things are definitely heating up. There’s no major confrontation yet, but the vibes? Electric. The potential for chaos is undeniable, and you just know that someone's going to snap soon. But for now, it's just a slow burn waiting to catch fire.
4/5 Mutant Messes – The tension is building, and we're all just waiting for someone to throw the match.
The Leadership Dumpster Fire:
With Cyclops trying to play captain of this sinking ship and Wolverine doing his "lone wolf" thing, it’s a hot mess in terms of leadership. Cyclops is grasping at straws, pretending like he's got a plan, but everyone else is just here for the ride. Wolverine’s too busy fighting everyone else to pay attention to anything resembling strategy. It’s like a team meeting where no one has any idea what's going on, but everyone’s pretending they do. Chaos reigns, and Xavier would be so proud.
5/5 Mild Psychosis – It’s like herding cats… if the cats were all too busy doing their own thing to listen.
The Uncanny WTF Moment:
Just when you think it can’t get any messier, bam! The plot takes a twist that makes you question everything you thought you knew about this issue. Whether it's a character decision that comes out of nowhere or an absurd situation that goes off the rails, this moment doesn’t just make you blink twice—it makes you re-read the entire thing to make sure you didn’t miss something truly wild. And trust me, you didn’t.
5/5 Mutant Mess & Mild Psychosis – It’s like the writers threw every ridiculous plot point into a blender and hit “chaos.” You’ll be questioning your reality by the time it’s over.
This is NUTS. I love it.